Am I crazy? We may not know for sure until April of 2015.

I have been through a roller coaster of emotions over the last four and half years.  Sometimes I'm indignant about my rants being justified and other times I look back and am thrilled my husband has stuck by my side (because God knows lots of men would have run for the hills).

Starting around September 2007 I've been all out crazy.  It started with work and boss woes.  I went through the ups and downs of job responsibilities changing and dealt with a performance improvement plan (PIP) that I completed successfully (sarcastic 'yay.'), but the entire time I was doing it I felt it was complete and utter bullshit.  Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot about politics and diplomacy in the corporate world during this process, but still how can a company redefine an entire department and its qualifications without a percentage of the people failing miserably?  So in April of 2008 when I was four months pregnant and my company was going through yet another down-sizing, my husband and I made the decision for me to take a severance package.  You see, I was at-risk of being laid-off with my history of a PIP and all and a voluntary departure would benefit us so much better than an involuntary situation.  It was an incredibly hard thing to go through; dealing with the emotions of pregnancy and the fear of unemployment.  I worked my last day during my sixth month of pregnancy.  Friends encouraged me to apply for work with this enormous belly hanging off the front of me telling me stories of different people they knew who'd gotten job offers at eight months pregnant, but I was a realist and knew that was improbable.   Regardless, I applied to jobs and got called for interviews.  There is likely NOTHING more humbling than walking into a job interview to see the realization on the faces of those doing the hiring that they'd wasted their time on me.  The eyes went straight to my stomach and then the forced smile and eye contact began.  I'd walk out every time with less confidence and pride as I'd walked in with.  Thus begins my life as a "kept woman" a.k.a. a SAHM a.k.a. mommy.  The timeline went like this: 

Whoah!

• January 2008 - Found out I was pregnant
• March 2008 - Chose to leave job I'd spent eight and a half years at
• June 2008 - Worked my last day at that company
• June-July 2008 - Applied and interviewed for jobs
• August 2008 - Ate bonbons and watched my stories
• September 2008 - Accepted God's blessing and became a mom.  Wow!

By the time our precious bundle arrived, Clay and I had decided I was going to stay home for at least a year.  Staying home one year would allow me to breastfeed for 12 months without having to pump at my place of work.  Fast forward one year and Clay and I had decided to expand our family one last time.  I had no loyalty established with an employer so this made the most sense to us.  We were incredibly fortunate and our little man came to be very easily.  I spent our tenth wedding anniversary pregnant instead of taking some exciting couples trip, but that was okay.  In June of 2010 we welcomed baby number two.  So if you think about it, when I weaned in August of 2010 I'd been pregnant or breast feeding for just under four years.  Now here it is February of 2012 and I'm more neurotic than ever.  So what's my excuse?  It certainly can't be hormones at this point. Or does it take three and three quarters years to undo this mess?  (Oh God, I hope not.)  If that's true then I should be good ol' Shelly by June 2015.  Wow.